This year has been surprising in several ways.
Somehow, I think that I have been seeing things a little bit clearly compared to last year. Sure, I still get bouts of loneliness, moodiness, and the usual anti-social bug, but I have learned to embrace these things as parts of myself. Also, I've come to believe that silence is a good thing.
Immersion in music and art have been helpful especially when it comes to putting things into perspective.
A week or so ago, I blogged about starting over. What I was not able to share was that 'starting over' was a theme that was clear to me throughout the year. My friend posted something about starting over, I read a blog post about starting over, as well as a slew of other details that normally I would not recognize. I got the message.
Another message I have been getting this year is on taking things slowly. Hang loose, breathe, and pause. Slowly but surely.
I have to admit that I normally get pissed when things don't go my way, and I prefer to blaze through life the way a fire consumes forests. This year, I understand that I need to learn how to take things slowly. People have been telling me this again and again and again, but I never learn. It did not sink in until now. *fingers crossed*
This brings me to the song that kept me crying as I was on my trip coming back to Phnom Penh. It's Matisyahu's song "One Day".
The song is about hope for an end to violence and wars. Although my connection to this song is not exactly the same as the initial meaning of the song, it is still able to reach into my heart and make me feel things. Several parts of the song hit me like a ton of bricks, and though I often end up tearing up, I still feel better in the end.
As of the start of this year, I have felt quite helpless, hopeless, and probably a bit distraught. I have stopped wallowing in my misery and just hold on to the idea that things will be alright.
Until then, I shall pray for more clarity, insight, and patience.
Sometimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down
So when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around
...
One day.
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