[Artsy Fartsy & Stuff] Rock Lurch

ROCK LURCH

I guess you could call me inspired or call me inspired. But I wanted to create more LURCHIES so I created another one. Hahaha who's going to stop moi? All thanks go to Michal because she keeps encouraging me to do all these things. I'm loving it.

I've decided to keep the drawings in black and white because some friends and the husband preferred the black and white ones as opposed to the colored versions. But I could still give it a try. :) No harm in that, right?

So there you go, the next installment of my LURCHIES. Haha

I wonder what persona I will do next. Hmmm.. hippies come to mind.

[Artsy Fartsy & Stuff] Emo Lurch

EMO LURCH

I was totally inspired by my friend Michal, and created this. I was supposed to do this on MS Paint, but I had a hard time doing it. I suck at it, TBH. I still need to practice. Haha

So, this is Emo Lurch. 

I should color him ASAP.

I'm now quite inspired to make more Lurch drawings, and call them LURCHIES. hehe I kill me.

One day

This year has been surprising in several ways.

Somehow, I think that I have been seeing things a little bit clearly compared to last year. Sure, I still get bouts of loneliness, moodiness, and the usual anti-social bug, but I have learned to embrace these things as parts of myself. Also, I've come to believe that silence is a good thing.

Immersion in music and art have been helpful especially when it comes to putting things into perspective.

A week or so ago, I blogged about starting over. What I was not able to share was that 'starting over' was a theme that was clear to me throughout the year. My friend posted something about starting over, I read a blog post about starting over, as well as a slew of other details that normally I would not recognize. I got the message.

Another message I have been getting this year is on taking things slowly. Hang loose, breathe, and pause. Slowly but surely.

I have to admit that I normally get pissed when things don't go my way, and I prefer to blaze through life the way a fire consumes forests. This year, I understand that I need to learn how to take things slowly. People have been telling me this again and again and again, but I never learn. It did not sink in until now. *fingers crossed*

This brings me to the song that kept me crying as I was on my trip coming back to Phnom Penh. It's Matisyahu's song "One Day".

The song is about hope for an end to violence and wars. Although my connection to this song is not exactly the same as the initial meaning of the song, it is still able to reach into my heart and make me feel things. Several parts of the song hit me like a ton of bricks, and though I often end up tearing up, I still feel better in the end. 

As of the start of this year, I have felt quite helpless, hopeless, and probably a bit distraught. I have stopped wallowing in my misery and just hold on to the idea that things will be alright. 

Until then, I shall pray for more clarity, insight, and patience. 

Sometimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down
So when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around 

...

One day.

One day (new album version) - Matisyahu

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Hello darkness, my old friend

photo credit: StefanoBonazzi

... I've come to talk with you again

These old walls have heard several thoughts. Lately, it has been creaking under the weight of all the thoughts. Like seams about to burst, there must be release. But will it ever come? 

Words are not forming from my lips. Ideas kept in my mind are merely released little by little through writing down thoughts. Then at night, it gets filled again.

Forgetting is not an option. What these walls need is a good cleaning, a good reorganization.

Sleep does not come easily. It simply is easier to converse with myself as no words need to be spoken. Such is the case with writing as well.

Converse with me in person and I either launch babble that I do not necessarily intend to speak, or go blank because of personal censorship. Aside from smiles and nods, what else is there to talk about? Nothing of importance, nothing at all.

I am tired. 

Is this depression?

Perhaps. All I know is that I prefer to let it be.

I truly love those who respect my silence.

Mayday Mayday Mayday!

Crisis. Such a cringe inducing word that even the most powerful presidents groan at the thought. 

Crisis.

Nothing shapes a person or a nation more than crisis, also goes under the name 'Stress.'

Today's Daily Post challenge forces asks us to be honest with ourselves and inspect how we react to crisis situations. It also asks us whether or not we are happy with the way we react when these situations come a'calling.

I took a quick 15 minute break to ponder about this in the loo, and I believe I have come up with a good answer to this question.

I've come face to face with several crisis situations throughout my entire life. Because of this, I have learned to react to crisis by facing it head on. Mostly.

Okay, so the given drama comes before facing the crisis. But I'd like to believe that is normal. In most circumstances, my usual reaction is this:

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! -> Oh, NO! -> I CRY... -> ENOUGH CRYING! -> BERSERKER BARRAGE!! -> ...

Something like that.

However, there are certain situations where that is not always the case. This often happens when my family is affected by the crisis. The above reaction is for situations when it affects myself especially when facing personal demons. But for situations like when my daughter cut her hand and she bled profusely, this was my reaction:

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! BLOOOD! -> Oh, NO! -> FIX/HEAL -> if HEAL does not work -> HOSPITAL! 

FYI: Blood makes me weak and queasy.

If its not health related, the reaction is more like:

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! -> Oh, NO! -> FIND WAY TO FIX IT

I often don't spend time wallowing in the crisis especially when its urgent. Somehow, I think I am proud to say that I have been lucky enough to find solutions and managed to survive.

To be perfectly honest, I am quite happy with how I react to crisis situations. I could have cowered or become totally useless, so I am happy with that.

However, I learned quite recently that there is something that I need to improve about my crisis response. That is trusting others. I've always had to deal with crisis response by myself throughout the years, so much so that I find it hard to lean on others or trust that others will be there. Maybe even now, I still don't believe in it THAT much. But I am learning.

I must always remember this:

Starting Over: Chapter 4123412...

How often is one allowed to start over? I think the number of times a person is allowed to start over is limitless. We start over for a number of reasons, and as the page of the calendar turns from one year to another, we tend to decide how we want to start over - again.

Sometimes it is because of health reasons, and sometimes it is because of economic concerns. We declare so boldly that THIS will be our year, yet half-way through it, we forget about what we set out to do.

However, nobody really said it had to be goals set. Starting over can be just that. Starting over. You can go goal-less if you want, nobody would care, really. Some would be curious as to how you would fare, but if you show promise, then their interest often wanes.

This year, I want to start over and write again. I haven't really written anything last year. It was all just pretend. Sure, my exploits in Phnom Penh can be called writing, but I think those border on routine posts that do not exactly have soul. I left my soul in my old blog, Unreal but not untrue. Unfortunately I cannot access that blog anymore, so I guess all drama and writing exercises will be here. 

Nobody said we could start over just once a year. In fact, I might start all over again tomorrow! Any of my friends would agree that I definitely have a habit of starting over. Is that a bad thing? I think it is, but at least I also have hope that if I tried real hard and it still does not work, I shall climb a thousand windows until I get there.

Cheers.

Photo credits: Allgroanup

Up at 4 in the morning

Hello, world!

I am alive. Just so you know.

I've been up since 4 in the morning because troubled minds are restless. Well, my mind is not exactly troubled that much, just sad.

I have not posted anything in December because I went home to celebrate Christmas and New Year with my family and friends. It was exhilarating and quite festive despite meager fanfare and finances were not abundant. Like most Filipinos, we made do with what we had. We had a great time, and that was that.

Happy New Year by the way!

How was your New Year's celebration? Mine was fine, too. We did not have firecrackers though. We had somebody fashion a cannon out of cans (canyon lata), duct tape, some flammable liquid, and parts of a lighter. It is a safer alternative than using firecrackers, and packs a mean punch, too! All for 300 pesos. NOTE: Makers should do it correctly otherwise it would still be hazardous to your health.

Aside from welcoming the New Year without firecrackers, we did something different this year as well. We also welcomed 2013 with some backyard dancing, where young and old just let loose to various tunes under the pale moonlight. Some of the tunes played were Apache Indian's Boom Shak-a-lak, Psy's Gangnam Style, and other dance-able tunes. It was quite a sight, actually. Especially when the manly men imitated the Budots Dance as best as they can.

We were also able to celebrate the New Year by heading over to the nearest beach at the end of January 1. It was also known as my last day of happiness back at home as I had to board a plane back to Cambodia by January 2.

Happy times, sad times.

And now, I am back.

How goes it?