Acceptance

I've thought about several posts over the past few days, but you know how it goes. One minute you know what you want to write about, and the next thing you know, you forget what it was all about.

My friend, Miss Feyoh, pointed out a couple of weeks ago that I am going through an introspection phase. You know, where you look at yourself and assess if you are actually a good person or not. The problem with introspection is that sometimes you tend to tell yourself that it is all good, and that you do not have a problem. If you are not being honest with yourself, then the whole point of looking inside is ... well, pointless.

I have not gone far with this whole exercise, but I will tell you what I have accepted (or at least learning to) about my self so far:

1. I am getting old.

This acceptance has reverberated through several factors in my life, and its so funny, but that's life. I am not ancient, but I am getting older. My body is not as nimble *cough* and flexible as before, not as strong either. And for some reason, I am no longer cute! Haha 

2. I am FAT.

Yes, I told you several times that I am overweight. I know that I am FAT. But accepting it has not been easy. It takes waking up with palpitations and barely breathing when I climb a measly 3 floors to make me accept it fully that I am FAT. Not chubby, not curvaceous, FAT. Sexy, but FAT. HAH!

3. I move at the speed of light.

Well, maybe I do not physically move at the speed of light. However, I do tend to just go go go. Do you get what I mean? I work fast, I want fast results. In short, I am impatient. I think Miss Feyoh's term was over-reaching? Yes, I believe that is it.

4. I have a poor assessment of myself.

Some people would say I am gutsy, assertive, fabulous! Heck, sometimes I tell peeps I am awesome. But you know what? I really do not feel that way, most of the time. It's like I am trying to fool myself I am something <-- see what I just did there? I just shot myself - AGAIN. Stupid self. <-- AGAIN.

5. I can not control others.

Do not tell me that at you have never EVER wished you could fix somebody else's life. I have that habit of trying to help out so as to make sure others' lives are in order. I've slapped myself several times because of that, but the thing is, in the past I've just let go. But you could say that I have not accepted the fact that changing others is beyond my powers. It's like, "I will back off now, but YOU WILL PAY." LOL something like that. We (me, myself, and moi) are working on this. Yep.

6. I have the superhero complex.

This is not exactly a travesty. But... It does feel quite presumptuous of me, huh? I can not save the world, I know. But I wish I could. It is not that I feel superior. No. But I do want to help. It is like this itch that just bugs meeeee. You have absolutely NO idea how many times I have gotten into trouble over this urge to help. My husband would pretty much try to tie me down if he can sense my intentions. Well, not always. But that's just it. I help. Even if I end up with... say, a 90,000 credit card bill, I would still try to help. 

7. I am lazy.

Yep. This means, I will stop my musings for now. I have learned a lot more, you know. I have. But my laziness strikes again. And I have things to do.

So, talk to you later.

P.S., I happen to love the superhero complex. Sure, it gets me into trouble. And I did not accept it before that I love to help. But, well, I just do. 

Whatevz. 

Cheers!