WeatheredRockSunset

Sometimes ... well, these days rather, I wonder what I am doing in my life.

This year has been a blizzard of things, yet somehow it feels like It has just crept by slowly like a snail or a slug - slugging on.

I don't really understand what changes are happening, or where my path lies. It just is, and I live through it on a daily basis.

My mind wanders aimlessly throughout the days, and although certain things happen, its not so monumental as to rock my world - most of the time. Often, I find myself enclosed by four bland walls at the end the day, waiting for somebody to come online on Skype. But when that person comes, sometimes I find myself at a loss of words.

I wonder if this is feeling is a lack of happiness. Sure enough, I've never felt really HAPPY over the past few months. I just exist to exist, and that is all there is. I work to provide, I live so that I may one day go home.

There is no happiness.

I guess that is it.

While I do find pleasure in some day-to-day experiences, and at times at night. But these bland walls haunt me.

I miss that soaring feeling. That certain kind of high whenever my special someone is around. I miss hugs. I miss all out laughter. I miss the feeling of freedom.

But I cannot tell others that. It would seem weird.

Then again. I am weird.

Sigh.