[BookWorm] Review: The Hexed

Just an hour or so ago, I finished 'The Hexed' by Heather Graham.

Why did I choose to read this book? Because... Cover looks cool! Witchcraft! Salem! Powers! Murder! Whoo!!

It took me a while to finish it though. Three days, I think. No, maybe more. For me, it is the kind of book that doesn't really compel you to stay up late and read.

Summary:

Devin Lyle has recently returned to the Salem area, but her timing couldn't be worse. Soon after she moved into the eighteenth-century cabin she inherited from her great-aunt Mina—her "crazy" great-aunt, who spoke to the dead—a woman was murdered nearby. 

Craig Rockwell—known as Rocky—is a new member of the Krewe of Hunters, the FBI's team of paranormal investigators. He never got over finding a friend dead in the woods. Now another body's been found in those same woods, not far from the home of Devin Lyle. And Devin's been led to a third body—by...a ghost? 

Her discovery draws them both deeper into the case and Salem's rich and disturbing history. Even as the danger mounts, Devin and Rocky begin to fall for each other, something the ghosts of Mina and past witches seem to approve of. But the two of them need every skill they possess to learn the truth—or Devin's might be the next body in the woods... (from Goodreads)

Review:

To be honest, I had high hopes for this book.

The reviews I've read were wonderful, and nothing gets me interested more than witchcraft, Salem, paranormal, investigations, and all the other elements in this book.

For the romance part of the story, I felt at first that the attraction was one-sided. Like it was just Rocky who was interested and Devin was a bit aloof. AND THEN... well, I thought she was possessed or it was just a dream. Hey, anything is possible in this book!

With regards to the investigation, I could not understand why the rest of the much experienced Krewe team would just wait for Rocky's call or decisions. And they would not split up to investigate. And why would they just focus on a certain group and not all. Why not check out ALL possible aspects/suspects/scenarios? Just because Rocky said so?

Earlier in the book, I liked the witchcraft and Salem history - which I consider to be well researched. I am a fanatic, I admit. However, tying everything together made me think it was all pointless. Either that, or I snoozed through some parts - because I honestly just found crumbs that refused to lead to a concrete unveiling.

As for the killer, I had that pegged from the start. I don't know. It seemed logical from the start. But Ms. Graham is skilled at making you think if you've got your analysis from the start.

Overall, I felt the book was a bit disappointing - apart from the details, everything felt messy and just... meh. Especially the romance part. No spark at all. They said it was spooky or creepy, but I disagree. Nada.

However, I LOVE AUNTIE MINA! I LIKE POE! And I like the fact that you can read this book standalone.

 I was planning to read the entire Krewe series. But... I guess we shall see.

Speak Out?

I can't.

I tried.

I failed.

I tried and tried, and I failed.

So I won't.

Perhaps its not because I did not try, but I am met with people who make it impossible to speak out.

OR, it is because of fear.





What do I want to do?

Speak out?

Yes.

Will I?

No.


I've come to realize now that it is better if I just become submissive.

Tuesday Morning, 4AM

I have not a wink of sleep.

I cannot breathe, so my solution is to write - sort of - to let it out.

One friend said, if you want something, you ask for it hard enough, and the Universe conspires to get it for you. Scriptures then state, God works in mysterious ways. Put those together and what do you get? Heartbreak Super Nova.

I did read somewhere that when you ask for something, God will most likely give it to you, but often not in the way you expect it.

I thought I learned this lesson. But now I've had to re-learn it the hard way.

I do not know how to go on. This life is empty, and I have struggled for a while.

Mistakes, we all have them.

Paths, we all have them.

But when you ask for something, I guess the question is, 'Will you get what you ask for? Or will you get what you deserve?' I think it is a mixture of both.

Leave it to God to make something out of it.

So I asked, nay, begged God to do something. I asked it from the core of my being. Something I have not done in a while. It was one of those prayers where you throw in all your tears and will into it. Praying to God. And yeah, He answers.

But not quite how I imagined it to be.

It breaks me.

It tears me apart.

His answer.

At some point I regret asking Him. But the prayer has been answered. The speed of which makes me think He has been waiting for it for a while.

The pain is like a thousand knives piercing my skin, tearing at my flesh and making me cry out. It is like torture through boiling water, spewed from a metal ball peppered with holes. It feels like I've been lain on a table and other torture devices have been used.

No. That does not quite encompass it. These feelings. This pain. It is a bit too much.

I've been bawling my eyes out. I've collapsed into a heap and fainted due to hyperventilation. I've vomited, choked, and now my eyes feel as though they are about to be ejected from my head.

There can be no consolation. I deserve this.

So I let myself bleed the only way I know how.

Words.

But by God and His mysterious ways, I wish I'd been granted death instead of this.

Battle Royale: Of tea and coffee

Good morning.

Today is a Wednesday. It is Hump Day, and it truly feels like a hump of a day for me.

It would be easy to claim that I foresee the coming hours to be smooth, yet that seems highly improbable. That is why I started the day with tea.

I guess there remains this grand debate as to which is better. TEA or COFFEE. Many tea lovers would say, 'tea, darling,' while many coffee lovers would say, 'I don't have blood in my veins, just coffee.' Or something like that.

It's my mom that comes to mind whenever I read that coffee line. Though she drinks tea, too.

As for myself, I find that both have their own effects on my system.

If I prefer to have a really chill day, then I go with tea. I find it opens up the senses and encourages me to breathe. Oh, yes, I drink tea now. I used to loathe it with a vengeance, but now not so much. I still cannot stomach green tea though. I am simply a beginner.

On the other hand, if I prefer to SEIZE the day, then by God, I'm gonna have coffee. Lots of it. If I am stressed and losing will to survive, then my go-to is coffee. Lots of it.

At the end of the day, I still think I am more of a coffee lover, though tea and I are becoming fast friends.

For challenging days such as today, I started off with tea.

Ten bucks says I will drown myself in coffee before the day is through.

Have a good one, folks!!

*Note: This was written early in the morning from my phone. However, because the Blogger app royally sucks, this is now a late post.

Hi.

Oh, eeeew!

This post marks what would seem like a year of no posts.

On the contrary, I relocated to a proper domain name that was all fancy and stuff, and then, I neglected payments. One thing led to another, I am back here.

That means there were a lot of posts over there that I failed to backup.

And...

That's like a year of posts that went down the drain. But, whatever.

Let's start from today.

Happy Khmer New Year, folks!

[Vietnam] Hong Thien Loc Hotel

This is a late post. Why? Because I am lazy, and that is all there is to it. LOL

I am writing about it now, because I may be headed over to Vietnam over the weekend just for one night, and it would definitely be a shame if I did not write about the other experience and then I started writing about what is about to happen.

So basically, I already blogged about the trip to Vietnam in November. And the post ended when we reached the Hong Thien Loc Hotel (Pink Blessing Hotel).

As with most hotels that I've noticed in Vietnam, you have to climb up some pretty steep stairs just to get to the lobby, which was fine by the way.

Food and the food blog

I know it seems that I keep blogging about food.

It is definitely not a surprise that I am larger than life, because food and I are friends, but not best of friends. 

Am I making sense?

Anyway, I wrote about making a food blog a few months ago. And so I did. I know I was going to keep all the posts on this blog, but it just seems to disorganized. I am also giving in to my nature of being a blog creator. Sue me.

Another thing is that I also hope to ask my friends to pitch in if they want. But maybe its too lame.

So I created this new food blog:

Street Eggs

Why? Because I wanted to use that blog. I created the blog simply because I like the name. At first, I tried making it into a tech blog but eventually deleted all the blah posts and now I shall repost some stuff over to that blog.

Its also going to serve as my scrapbook of kitchen conquests so that I do not forget what I did and how my experiments turn out. It will also feature some dishes that I have tried, places I've dined at. And mostly blahs.

Do visit it when you have a time.

The keyboard named Felicity

Would you say I'm sane if I told you that my current state of happiness is because of a keyboard?

Yep. A keyboard.

I gots me a keyboard and we are going to get married.

No, scratch that. I am already married. So, we shall be like best friends and have ice cream during these days where Phnom Penh weather has decided that we are all popsicles lying on the hot asphalt.

For months I have been struggling with a keyboard that does not work. Okay, maybe it does work a little but it has already complained several times that it has refused to give me the service I require.

So today, to celebrate certain blessings, I finally got a new keyboard.

I shall name her... Felicity. Yes, that shall be her name.

Why Felicity? Because ARROW.

I have a huge girl-crush on Felicity Smoak (Emily Bett). I think she is just adorable. More adorable than Jess, from New Girl. BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION, K? Its the geekiness, the chic geekiness. Makes me want to be like her. Truly. No lies.

So, my keyboard happiness has prompted me to write a post.

Yes, I am actually brimming with words that are not work related, and I've been meaning to write. It's just that the keyboard I was using was unbearable. Who wants to write with that?

Now, I have one that works.

Remember, her name is Felicity.

And now, I shall go back to more productive things... Like, setting up my new blog!

Yes, I have another one.

Cheers!

Quick update on my stellar life

I actually have play by play posts on what has happened in my life, yet I have not managed to finish a single post. It is not that I have procrastinated, merely that I feel that the posts need more *oomph* than the substance that it currently has.

5 quick updates so you can go on your way, and I will do whatever it is I am up to doing right now.

1. Health - so far, so good. I have lost 2 lbs in 2 weeks. It is not that much, but believe me, right now, I am enjoying the lowest weight I have achieved since 2009. THAT long. Yes. Me, myself, and I are on a journey of self discovery and we are taking it slow.  

[Nham] Treats from Jars of Clay

Howdy! :)

My mom's office is being transferred to a place a bit far from the old one because of contract issues with the landlord and whatnot. Though its hard being uprooted, my mom said the transfer does have one BIG perk, and that is the fact that it is now closer to Jars of Clay!

Jars of Clay happens to be my FAVORITE cafe/pastry shop or whatever you call it. I think 'cafe' is more appropriate because they serve coffee and other treats. BUT my favorite would have to be the treats that they bake.

Months ago, my mom introduced me to this place when she bought some brownies that are TO DIE FOR. Seriously. Seriously. However, the shop had to close for renovations that took forever, so I sort o  forgot about it and went on to worship other shops. LOL.

Last week, she came home with a surprise. She gave us 2 take-away containers filled with brownies and chocolate chip bars from Jars of Clay, and guess who became a happy monkey? Moi! Who else?

Anyway, I was feeling blue today and I sort o  begged my mom to buy brownies. But she did not reply to my texts so I thought she was probably busy.

Lo and behold! When she arrived this afternoon, she came bearing gifts... *teehee* These may not be brownies, but it was something I did not try before.

Apricot Crumble and Raspberry Bar from Jars of Clay

Loved it! The Apricot Crumble was just soooo heavenly, and the Raspberry Bar was simply delicious. She kept asking me which one I preferred, and I could not choose. Both are are just drool-worthy. Yum! But my heart still belongs to their brownies. Hehehe

~~

Jars of Clay is a project from an NGO (Non-government Organization) that was formed in 1998. It is entirely run by Cambodian women who seek a chance to excel in life. Some of these women are those who have been rescued from trafficking and those who have had significant hardships in life. The profits of  this shop are used to help those in need such as children who need help with school fees, and more.

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Acceptance

I've thought about several posts over the past few days, but you know how it goes. One minute you know what you want to write about, and the next thing you know, you forget what it was all about.

My friend, Miss Feyoh, pointed out a couple of weeks ago that I am going through an introspection phase. You know, where you look at yourself and assess if you are actually a good person or not. The problem with introspection is that sometimes you tend to tell yourself that it is all good, and that you do not have a problem. If you are not being honest with yourself, then the whole point of looking inside is ... well, pointless.

I have not gone far with this whole exercise, but I will tell you what I have accepted (or at least learning to) about my self so far:

[Word of the Day] Ribald

I love learning new words, don't you?

Today's new word came to me upon reading an article over at Cracked which features witty comebacks.

The scenario was of John Barrymore who walked into a ladies' room in his drunken state, and one of the ladies inside exclaimed, 'This is for the ladies!' as he was relieving himself.

With one hand still on his manhood, he explained, "And so, madam, is this." LOL

The author then goes on to say, "Sassy, ribald, but sophisticated." 

I think I've come across the word 'ribald' before, but I have not bothered to look up its meaning. This time, I did. And this is what I found:

I cannot wait to think of statements where I can use the word! Yay! New word for the day!

Pre-Valentine's Day musings

Dear friends,

Happy Valentine's month! 

Since the start of February, I've been asked several times whether or not I love Valentine's Day. I often answer that I do love Valentine's day - and the rest of February. In fact, I love LOVE!

I think I make most people cringe whenever I say that. I sound like such a love struck young lady, and I'd like to think that I AM a romantic. Probably quite love struck, too! I'm proud of it!

Those who know me would probably agree in a heartbeat. I (heart) romance from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair, I feel giddy at the idea of romance, and blah blah blah. I also love LOVE songs, and get touched by the lyrics as though I've experienced what the singers are crying about.

[Artsy Fartsy & Stuff] Rock Lurch

ROCK LURCH

I guess you could call me inspired or call me inspired. But I wanted to create more LURCHIES so I created another one. Hahaha who's going to stop moi? All thanks go to Michal because she keeps encouraging me to do all these things. I'm loving it.

I've decided to keep the drawings in black and white because some friends and the husband preferred the black and white ones as opposed to the colored versions. But I could still give it a try. :) No harm in that, right?

So there you go, the next installment of my LURCHIES. Haha

I wonder what persona I will do next. Hmmm.. hippies come to mind.

[Artsy Fartsy & Stuff] Emo Lurch

EMO LURCH

I was totally inspired by my friend Michal, and created this. I was supposed to do this on MS Paint, but I had a hard time doing it. I suck at it, TBH. I still need to practice. Haha

So, this is Emo Lurch. 

I should color him ASAP.

I'm now quite inspired to make more Lurch drawings, and call them LURCHIES. hehe I kill me.

One day

This year has been surprising in several ways.

Somehow, I think that I have been seeing things a little bit clearly compared to last year. Sure, I still get bouts of loneliness, moodiness, and the usual anti-social bug, but I have learned to embrace these things as parts of myself. Also, I've come to believe that silence is a good thing.

Immersion in music and art have been helpful especially when it comes to putting things into perspective.

A week or so ago, I blogged about starting over. What I was not able to share was that 'starting over' was a theme that was clear to me throughout the year. My friend posted something about starting over, I read a blog post about starting over, as well as a slew of other details that normally I would not recognize. I got the message.

Another message I have been getting this year is on taking things slowly. Hang loose, breathe, and pause. Slowly but surely.

I have to admit that I normally get pissed when things don't go my way, and I prefer to blaze through life the way a fire consumes forests. This year, I understand that I need to learn how to take things slowly. People have been telling me this again and again and again, but I never learn. It did not sink in until now. *fingers crossed*

This brings me to the song that kept me crying as I was on my trip coming back to Phnom Penh. It's Matisyahu's song "One Day".

The song is about hope for an end to violence and wars. Although my connection to this song is not exactly the same as the initial meaning of the song, it is still able to reach into my heart and make me feel things. Several parts of the song hit me like a ton of bricks, and though I often end up tearing up, I still feel better in the end. 

As of the start of this year, I have felt quite helpless, hopeless, and probably a bit distraught. I have stopped wallowing in my misery and just hold on to the idea that things will be alright. 

Until then, I shall pray for more clarity, insight, and patience. 

Sometimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down
So when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around 

...

One day.

One day (new album version) - Matisyahu

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Hello darkness, my old friend

photo credit: StefanoBonazzi

... I've come to talk with you again

These old walls have heard several thoughts. Lately, it has been creaking under the weight of all the thoughts. Like seams about to burst, there must be release. But will it ever come? 

Words are not forming from my lips. Ideas kept in my mind are merely released little by little through writing down thoughts. Then at night, it gets filled again.

Forgetting is not an option. What these walls need is a good cleaning, a good reorganization.

Sleep does not come easily. It simply is easier to converse with myself as no words need to be spoken. Such is the case with writing as well.

Converse with me in person and I either launch babble that I do not necessarily intend to speak, or go blank because of personal censorship. Aside from smiles and nods, what else is there to talk about? Nothing of importance, nothing at all.

I am tired. 

Is this depression?

Perhaps. All I know is that I prefer to let it be.

I truly love those who respect my silence.

Mayday Mayday Mayday!

Crisis. Such a cringe inducing word that even the most powerful presidents groan at the thought. 

Crisis.

Nothing shapes a person or a nation more than crisis, also goes under the name 'Stress.'

Today's Daily Post challenge forces asks us to be honest with ourselves and inspect how we react to crisis situations. It also asks us whether or not we are happy with the way we react when these situations come a'calling.

I took a quick 15 minute break to ponder about this in the loo, and I believe I have come up with a good answer to this question.

I've come face to face with several crisis situations throughout my entire life. Because of this, I have learned to react to crisis by facing it head on. Mostly.

Okay, so the given drama comes before facing the crisis. But I'd like to believe that is normal. In most circumstances, my usual reaction is this:

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! -> Oh, NO! -> I CRY... -> ENOUGH CRYING! -> BERSERKER BARRAGE!! -> ...

Something like that.

However, there are certain situations where that is not always the case. This often happens when my family is affected by the crisis. The above reaction is for situations when it affects myself especially when facing personal demons. But for situations like when my daughter cut her hand and she bled profusely, this was my reaction:

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! BLOOOD! -> Oh, NO! -> FIX/HEAL -> if HEAL does not work -> HOSPITAL! 

FYI: Blood makes me weak and queasy.

If its not health related, the reaction is more like:

MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY! -> Oh, NO! -> FIND WAY TO FIX IT

I often don't spend time wallowing in the crisis especially when its urgent. Somehow, I think I am proud to say that I have been lucky enough to find solutions and managed to survive.

To be perfectly honest, I am quite happy with how I react to crisis situations. I could have cowered or become totally useless, so I am happy with that.

However, I learned quite recently that there is something that I need to improve about my crisis response. That is trusting others. I've always had to deal with crisis response by myself throughout the years, so much so that I find it hard to lean on others or trust that others will be there. Maybe even now, I still don't believe in it THAT much. But I am learning.

I must always remember this:

Starting Over: Chapter 4123412...

How often is one allowed to start over? I think the number of times a person is allowed to start over is limitless. We start over for a number of reasons, and as the page of the calendar turns from one year to another, we tend to decide how we want to start over - again.

Sometimes it is because of health reasons, and sometimes it is because of economic concerns. We declare so boldly that THIS will be our year, yet half-way through it, we forget about what we set out to do.

However, nobody really said it had to be goals set. Starting over can be just that. Starting over. You can go goal-less if you want, nobody would care, really. Some would be curious as to how you would fare, but if you show promise, then their interest often wanes.

This year, I want to start over and write again. I haven't really written anything last year. It was all just pretend. Sure, my exploits in Phnom Penh can be called writing, but I think those border on routine posts that do not exactly have soul. I left my soul in my old blog, Unreal but not untrue. Unfortunately I cannot access that blog anymore, so I guess all drama and writing exercises will be here. 

Nobody said we could start over just once a year. In fact, I might start all over again tomorrow! Any of my friends would agree that I definitely have a habit of starting over. Is that a bad thing? I think it is, but at least I also have hope that if I tried real hard and it still does not work, I shall climb a thousand windows until I get there.

Cheers.

Photo credits: Allgroanup

Up at 4 in the morning

Hello, world!

I am alive. Just so you know.

I've been up since 4 in the morning because troubled minds are restless. Well, my mind is not exactly troubled that much, just sad.

I have not posted anything in December because I went home to celebrate Christmas and New Year with my family and friends. It was exhilarating and quite festive despite meager fanfare and finances were not abundant. Like most Filipinos, we made do with what we had. We had a great time, and that was that.

Happy New Year by the way!

How was your New Year's celebration? Mine was fine, too. We did not have firecrackers though. We had somebody fashion a cannon out of cans (canyon lata), duct tape, some flammable liquid, and parts of a lighter. It is a safer alternative than using firecrackers, and packs a mean punch, too! All for 300 pesos. NOTE: Makers should do it correctly otherwise it would still be hazardous to your health.

Aside from welcoming the New Year without firecrackers, we did something different this year as well. We also welcomed 2013 with some backyard dancing, where young and old just let loose to various tunes under the pale moonlight. Some of the tunes played were Apache Indian's Boom Shak-a-lak, Psy's Gangnam Style, and other dance-able tunes. It was quite a sight, actually. Especially when the manly men imitated the Budots Dance as best as they can.

We were also able to celebrate the New Year by heading over to the nearest beach at the end of January 1. It was also known as my last day of happiness back at home as I had to board a plane back to Cambodia by January 2.

Happy times, sad times.

And now, I am back.

How goes it?